My husband works (commission based) … and leaves the house to go to the gym by every weekday (which my kids finally sleep through him leaving --most days). I am thus responsible for getting the kids up, dressed and off to daycare in the morning, AND then-- picked up, organized at home, and supper started. We won’t even go into the supper bit—it is not good enough no matter what anyway. I fully understand that this has become the routine of the day and even though this constant daily life can get the best of me some days, it can go even beyond exasperating when there are adaptations made in the schedule that we as parents need to be accommodating to. But then --in our house anyway, why is it the mother is always seen as the one who must be more accommodating then the father? She is the one that will step up in the beginning and carry it through to the end – is that just a given? Well, I am sick of ALL that responsibility. As a dad, do you feel you can just go about your daily routine and not budge from it whatsoever?
We had these similar discussions the last time Trevor’s speech schedule had switched. At which time, I was VERY impressed (why should I have been?) that Joe in the end volunteered to take one of Trevor’s speech sessions a week. That gracious act has turned into more of a time consuming annoyance than a time saving help. He has taken Trevor to 5 sessions– 4 of which he has been late, making me run late in the mornings, and a 6th that didn’t happen because he forgot and would have been too late getting there (plus it STILL takes Trevor 10 minutes of the 1/2 hour session to "warm up" and participate, so he is cutting into the effective therapy time when that occurs). Again, the appreciation for taking him in the first place has diminished -- Trevor has attended speech therapy sessions for roughly 1 ½ years. Some of which Joe’s parents assisted with transporting Trevor to, for which I am grateful. The rest was all mommy. The last schedule change was the first time Joe had participated and had noticed, I thought, the displeasure of the routine, yet importance of including this in our schedule.
Which brings me to the reasons I am so frustrated… Yesterday, I set up Trevor’s new speech schedule. (When he turns 3 in 2 weeks—he is in the “school system” so we will be attending speech therapy sessions at a school instead of the rehab and thus can’t keep our current time slots, due to the new location -of course.) The “convenient” times for us -of course- are filled. So, I imagined that we, together as parents, could have each taken responsibility for one. Well, the times don’t work into Joe’s work schedule… oh so, I am quite sure that they work really well into mine?
Also, I signed Isaac up for “Gearing up for Kindergarten”. It is a class for 16 Tuesday nights that introduce both, parents and 2012 kindergartners, into the new world of school. A parent needs to be at each session. They offer FREE daycare for siblings… I can tell you right now that there is NO WAY Trevor is going with… It would take half the class just to get him to be ok with the extra “play time” in a new location… and no not just for the first few times, but EVERYTIME.. That is just how Trevor is, and Joe knows that… Of course—it starts right at ight when Joe gets off work. (His work is more flexible than, he leads me to believe, but due to being commission based, I have adapted as best as I can to allow him to stay at his job for the entire day.) So, I wanted to discuss his thoughts on what to do with Trevor for that 20 minute overlap when --- I would bring Isaac to the class –(I didn’t even ask him to do that). Unwilling to budge, or share ideas once again, I gave up and we have yet to close this discussion, or figure out what we need to do. I am sure it is assumed that DEB will just take care of it and figure it for everyone and Joe won’t have to “worry” (like he ever does).
Just to add to the frustration and verbal commotions of the night:
When Joe came home for the day… Trevor was fussing in timeout. He had -- just moments prior, “shot” Isaac with a nerf gun. (Isaac just received it as a present for his birthday. – I am fine with the guns but we don’t shoot people even in pretend play, we have “targets” ok’d in the house and both kids are fully aware of it already.) Joe insisted that I explain why Trevor is “so upset.” = because he is sitting in timeout. He hates it there... which is precisely why we put kids there… to teach them, to discipline them. Why must I explain that to Joe, when I am the one following through with the disciplinary action? Do you really think I put him there just so I could hear him whine?
Also, We completed Isaac’s mini-remodel of his room last night. He now has a full size bed (crib turned into one) and Trevor has the twin bed (my boys are getting big on me). We were making the full-size bed together last night for the first time and both agreed that it will be more of a challenge to change his bedding if Isaac wets it at night. So, within the next few minutes Joe is downstairs making himself a “juice” drink and is proceeding to share with Isaac – it is 710 pm – really… Now you can do the bedding in the morning – of course…mommy saved the day again and set her alarm for 1230 am so he would be dry in the morning, which he was—something that would otherwise go unnoticed, as mommy has taken care of it yet again.
Must I always run the schedule, organize the day, be the disciplinary, and take on the load by myself. We are married... that means there are 2 of us to run the household… Just curious when and what the other half wants to do to participate in that?
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